Introduce your side characters

No story is just protagonist vs. antagonist. There is a slew of characters on the side that help put everything together. They may be super in-depth and lifelong friends with the protagonist or devoted henchman to the antagonist. They may be a manservant that pops up occasionally. But the story couldn't happen without them. So here is a place to introduce these other characters (because I heard we needed it).

Some of my Characters:

Rosaline Elupmas: Sister of the Queen of Orifan, Rosaline is one of the few people that wants to marry for love. When she's sent as a chaperon to her adopted niece, she know everyone wants her to marry the single king Thorsten. This blonde beauty always manages to look how people expect her to. But the idea of marrying a man as aloof as Thorsten seems to be makes her incredibly nervous. Despite this, she doesn't want to disappoint her sister and brother-in-law.

Sydelle Riverpeak: This 8 year old seer grew up in the rural mountains before being kidnapped. She has to go along with the ruse of being the adopted daughter of King and Queen of Orifan or her family will suffer the consequences. She adores picking flowers and running barefoot.

Eda: This portly 16 year old is the protagonist's personal maidservant and the greatest spy the oracle has. She is very no-nonsense and wise beyond her years. She is a genius at court espionage and the true reason the twenty-something seer seems to know everything going on at court.

Edgar: A thin, pale, wraith-like valet, Edgar came from very poor backgrounds. While he also becomes a spy for the oracle, he is incredibly unequipped at maneuvering court life. He doesn't understand why the very rich seemed to always be so unhappy.

Rhys: This older gentleman has been adviser to three kings, including the currently king's older brother and father. He dotes on the protagonist like a granddaughter and often reminisces about her childhood.

Alise: This plain woman is the evil adviser's wife. She makes a great show of being religiously devoted to the goddess Eseme, but she has a darker side. She wants a child like nothing else and is willing to do anything to get one.

Annabeth Whitmore: This pretty young teenager is from the notorious Whitmore family and the younger sister of the king's ex-mistress. Unlike her other family, she doesn't have any ambition or lust for power. But she does have her eye on a young stable boy.

Annabelle Whitmore: She's Annabeth's twin sister and just as power-hungry as her family. Like her older sister Artemisia, she is willing to do anything to keep power. She currently has her eye on the king's young adviser and hopes to become pregnant with his child to ensnare him.

Oh boy, do I have a large cast...

First of all, our dwarven hero's trusty childhood friends:

Svanhild - rogue with throwing knives. Proud owner of a beard. Redhead. Can drink anyone under the table. Very fond of fine dresses when not on an adventure.

Gunnar - warrior with a two-handed warhammer. Black. Epic beard. One of the narrators. Also good at drinking. Likes to exaggerate his tales slightly. Throws in a few dragons and multiplies enemies by 4, just to make things more exciting.

And then, the first human to join the team...

Not-yet-named - rogue with a sword and dagger. Wears light armour with a long tunic. Brown, 40-something, ruggedly handsome. His brother is a mage and, since mages are oppressed in this country, is kept captive. He's determined to free him but they need to sneak into the fortress from below. This is why he asks the dwarf trio's help, because dwarves in my 'verse have a supernatural ability to find their way in the deep, no matter where they are. He will be the Sacrifical Lion about half or 2/3 way through. Ya know how it goes, Mentor Occupational Hazard.

Also not yet named, his brother - mage. Not sure about his speciality yet, and it likely won't be seen - he had been in the Black Citadel, the infamous mage prison / reeducation center and they broke him. He's freed but he will pretty much never recover from all the trauma he's been through. Probably convinces his brother to kill him, because I'm evil and like to make the reader cry. Needless to say, his fate will lead to the heroes being all "ok that's it, we are starting a revolution NOW".

Aand our little group grows...

Badass Lady, needs a name, Spanish/Moor looking, probably goes by Cordelia? Or something similar. I need a name that sounds stern. Two-handed warrior. Very good at killing but actually a kind, sweet person. Just don't get on her bad side.

Ilona, rogue, dual wielding daggers, fast and deadly. Definitely Roma and also Idun's future love interest. Starts out as "lol who cares" chaotic neutral but develops a heart of gold.

Aras, elf rogue, assassin, sword, dagger and many smaller weapons, usually poisoned. Stylish and easygoing. Our second narrator. Best friends with Gunnar. Pansexual af. Unlike Gunnar, his storytelling is either all swashbuckling romance or really dark tragedies. He's "responsible" for most of the deaths that happen.

Anastas, mage, healer, possessed by a angel so he has some cool light powers. Probably going to be the Ensemble Darkhorse and steal the show a lot. The only mage known to have escaped the Citadel, the only one they could never break. Of course, as we soon find out, he had supernatural help. He wants to free his peers and smite all the bad guys. And a cup of tea. Paired up with Cordelia. The angel inside him, of course, sometimes causes problems. For one, it drains him whenever it takes over in combat. Suffers from serious ptsd from his time in the Citadel. Swore he would never go back. Obsessed with freedom. Inevitable tragic endings in every narrative.

Valdís, giantess, warrior, uses a big fucking morgingstar. Not sure how they pick her up yet, but she's mostly there to brighten the mood. Gentle Giant most of the time, but will smash you if you attack her friends. Very protective of Idun, her smol surrogate mom. Probably just a teen in giant years. Horrible cook, and unfortunately, a very enthusiastic one. The group eventually grows fond of her creations.

Sieglinde wrote:the infamous mage prison

A mage prison, why haven't I thought of this.... I write about mages being hunted, oppressed and persecuted and most of them end up dead somewhere because of Tedwin's infamous skill. But thinking up something as a mage prison. Nope, wouldn't cross my mind. Doesn't quite fit the story I write now but it definitely is something to keep in mind for when I write another story in the same world, or perhaps for one of the other surrounding countries.

@Call Me Nefret, your characters seem incredibly well thought out. I love the way you portray them and their diversity. Clearly your history degree is giving you an advantage at portraying court life and how the characters all act at court.

@Call Me Nefret, I agree with Astrid that you have well developed characters. I was a bit confused initially about how the evil/ally king and queen control Sydelle, but after reading more about her, I understand now. I like that Sydelle enjoys running barefoot and picking flowers, there's a child-like innocence that comes through and hints at her age (I know she's 8, but some 8 yr olds are written as too mature and I think you've got the right maturity level).

I like that you've included maidservants, valets and spies, it adds depth to the court life you're creating. It also asserts how ears are everywhere and how people are clawing for power in your story and will use any means necessary. I like that your evil advisor has a potentially evil wife... I dunno, I just like that.

The fact that Annabeth Whitmore just isn't interested in power struggles intrigues me. Are Annabeth and Annabelle identical twins? If so, what sort of trouble do they get up to? Does Annabelle use Annabeth in some way? Or not at all?

Sieglinde wrote:Oh boy, do I have a large cast...

I love how populated your story is! There are so many opportunities here for interesting developments especially with such a diverse cast. Especially since you didn't default to mostly human with "flavour" races which is all too common in fantasy!

@Sieglinde, first of all, I like the names of your characters. They're very different, reminding me of Dragon Age names. I also like that you've got a diverse set of characters and it appears there's going to be character development in at least one of them (Ilona). I love character development, especially when it's not just the main character developing. I also like that your giant is a horrible but enthusiastic cook, I can just imagine your characters cringing but eating the food just to be polite and because there's nothing else to eat. I like how Gunnar and Aras embellish their story telling too, it sounds like this could be a lot of fun. I'm also intrigued by the angel possessing Arastas, it implies that there's a higher power behind the scenes working to free the mages.

It looks as if you've got a few sacrificial characters (the mentor and the mage) and I can see some of the plots you'll be developing and how it'll force your characters to grow/move forward in the story.

Overall, I think that you've also got well developed side characters

Dragon Age is a major inspiration, except my dwarf society is very different (because DA dwarf society is pretty wtf), and my mages have it probably even worse than there I'm playing right now, completed one run of Origins/Awakening and DA II each, started some new ones immediately. Idun, my hero, was named after my Brosca Warden.

Angels probably inhabit a spirit plane or something. One just reached out to my mage because the prison had so much concentrated suffering it broke the barrier between words and started to bother them. So this shiny thing is like "what the hap is fuckening" and then "okay small mortal, how about we slaughter our way out of here". Our mage was eager to get out.

Abelard Avery: A 25-year-old assassin of noble birth. He has too many brothers to be of any means to his parents in conventional ways (One is the heir, another is in the army and the third is a clerk/priest) so they sent him of to be trained as an assassin at young age. He is quite charming and a bit of a flirt but becomes deadly serious when he has a job to complete. He befriended Oliver at formal events at court they both had to attend. Oliver actually trusts him, but he doesn’t know Oliver is a mage.

Emmeline Damours: Oliver’s 19-year-old sister. The only daughter of king Richer. She is especially fond of her bother Oliver and loves his magic. They share a deep bond which actually enables Oliver to use magic he normally can’t use. She is a sweet and caring person and has a nose for what is going on around her. When she encounters problems she tries to resolve the diplomatically.  She wants to marry for love, but she is a princess so an arranged political marriage is pretty much inevitable.

Mǽrwynn Wyvill: A 21-year-old mage who has met many hardships. Her best friend was killed when she was 7 because Tedwin thought she was the mage instead of her. When she was 18 Tedwin caught her mother and killed her, quite brutally on the village square for all to see. She hid for a year but then decided people needed her potions and started living among people again. She is an intelligent, curious and resourceful person.  She usually gives people the benefits of doubt and she knows a great deal about magic.

Rainulf Grimault: A 37-year-old mage. He travelled all over the continent and has studied magic most of his live. He knows a lot of the shadier side of magic but his knowledge extends way beyond that. He is covered in black tattoos that actually have magical properties. He has been a family friend of the Wyvills and has a soft spot for Mǽrwynn who is like a sister to him.

Heliarde Thoral: A 18-year-old mage who was raised by her grandmother. A friend of Mǽrwynn and Rainulf who happily wants to join the adventure when the opportunity presents itself. She has had a protected childhood and wants to see what the world is like. She is playful, stubborn, enthusiastic, careless and a little arrogant. She sees herself as powerful and underestimates enemies. She is a mage after all, you know, and mages can be pretty powerful. Rainulf is reluctant to let her come with them but she manages the convince Mǽrwynn who talks Rainulf in letting her come with them.

Poetic-Jessie wrote:@Call Me Nefret, I agree with Astrid that you have well developed characters. I was a bit confused initially about how the evil/ally king and queen control Sydelle, but after reading more about her, I understand now. I like that Sydelle enjoys running barefoot and picking flowers, there's a child-like innocence that comes through and hints at her age (I know she's 8, but some 8 yr olds are written as too mature and I think you've got the right maturity level).

I like that you've included maidservants, valets and spies, it adds depth to the court life you're creating. It also asserts how ears are everywhere and how people are clawing for power in your story and will use any means necessary. I like that your evil advisor has a potentially evil wife... I dunno, I just like that.

The fact that Annabeth Whitmore just isn't interested in power struggles intrigues me. Are Annabeth and Annabelle identical twins? If so, what sort of trouble do they get up to? Does Annabelle use Annabeth in some way? Or not at all?

Thank you! I am definitely calling on a lot of history to put it all together.

I'm trying really hard to write Sydelle like she's 8, using simplistic adjectives to describe things like a child would. So far she's the youngest character I'm going to be writing in depth (there's a couple children younger, but they're not particularly important to the storyline) and I want to make it seem like she's actually a child.

Annabelle and Annabeth are identical. So far, Annabelle hasn't done anything too sinister (although she has visited people that wouldn't be considered socially acceptable for her to visit alone under her sister's name) but there's always the option later on.

I just realized that there are some more characters I need to add. XD

Some more characters (some of which I should have included earlier):  

Lenora: This soft, golden haired beauty is the only living dowager queen and sister-in-law to Thorsten. Growing up she was obedient to the mother that groomed her to be queen. After holding the throne for 2 years and losing her husband and unborn child, she took to a convent. While the decision may have originally been made out of grief, Lenora finds true happiness working to help the less fortunate.

Bayard: Sydelle's father is a peaceful man that was totally blindsided by his daughter's kidnapping and his family's imprisonment. Even while in the dungeon he wants to believe that King Ulric will eventually come to his senses and free them.

Sutton: Sydelle's mother is just as peaceful as her husband, although with a bit more common sense. She had cautioned him on keeping their daughter safe before. But she's too kind to tell him "I told you so" even after their daughter is kidnapped.

Averet: Sydelle's 6 year old brother is quiet and shy. He doesn't particularly care for running around, but enjoys drawing. He has a lot of artistic talent for one as young as he is. He loves his older sister and doesn't understand what's going on.

Peter Newell: Peter is the son of a prominent lord. He's in his twenties, but looks years younger with an angelic face and the personality to match. He's artistic, quick to fall in love and slow to see when someone is using him. Artemisia uses him to get pregnant and tell the king the baby is his. When the ruse is uncovered, Peter is heartbroken. Artemisia then tries to kill Rosaline and is slated for execution. Peter begs the king to let her live long enough to have his child. Then he takes the baby girl ("the only girl I can trust anymore" as he tells Mirabel) back to his father's estate along with his newly hired valet Edgar.

Vellith: This older seer has the gift of far-sight. He can see things happening miles and miles away. He was originally betrothed to Britta, Mirabel's mother. When Britta shocks everyone by running away, he watches her from afar. After giving birth and abandoning Mirabel at an orphanage, Vellith takes to watching over the child. When they finally meet, he already feels like a father figure to the girl. He's wise and patient, but still heartbroken over the life he wished he'd had.

Ellion: This twenty-something telepath is Vellith's apprentice of sorts. He's gun-ho and eager to see the world. He becomes furious at any leader that would use a seer for their own benefits. He always volunteers for missions. He finds his mentor's borderline obsession with Mirabel just a bit creepy. (Also possible love interest for Mirabel)

Britta: While Britta was not a seer herself, she came from a prominent seer family.    When the son of a councilman (the council being the seer kingdom's government) proposed, her family "strongly encouraged" her to do it. Unbeknownst to the man that truly did love her, she began to feel trapped. Days before the wedding, she fled. She ended up near the kingdom of Erried and found a new husband. This new husband, however, was superstitious. When the baby was born with the violet eyes of a seer, he claimed the child was cursed and left. Britta, heartbroken and hating herself, she left the baby on the door of the nearest orphanage and fled to some other life.

I too forgot some people:

Philetus: elf mage. Elementalist. Very frail looking, your typical Glass Cannon. He clearly forgot to put points in constitution. Leader of the mages who swore fealty to Crazy Old King, mainly out of fear. He desperately tries to keep things normal and at first he opposes the whole revolution thing the heroes have going on, thinking it will just make things worse. He doesn't want the to see his kind slaughtered. Eventually, he has to realize that being meek and diplomatic won't help, and once he decides to fight, shit will go down. Probably going to die. My mages are just doomed, it seems. Might or might not have some Foe Yay going on with Raina, my lovely villain.

Miss No Name Yet, elf rogue: not sure if I will include her. She's a redhead dual weapon rogue. I already have a big cast, we'll see. Maybe in a smaller role. If included, hella lesbian.

Hagen, dwarf warrior, the eldest son of the Sapphire clan. Grew up with Idun, thinks of her as a little sister, although they are not blood-related. Slightly shady. Walks the fine line between heroic and evil, we'll see which way he goes. Looks like Tony Leung Chiu Wai but with a dwarf beard. Wields a spear (because his name is Hagen and I'm a shameless opera nerd), occasionally a bastard sword.

Elowen-Astrid wrote:Abelard Avery: A 25-year-old assassin of noble birth. He has too many brothers to be of any means to his parents in conventional ways (One is the heir, another is in the army and the third is a clerk/priest) so they sent him of to be trained as an assassin at young age. He is quite charming and a bit of a flirt but becomes deadly serious when he has a job to complete. He befriended Oliver at formal events at court they both had to attend. Oliver actually trusts him, but he doesn’t know Oliver is a mage.

Emmeline Damours: Oliver’s 19-year-old sister. The only daughter of king Richer. She is especially fond of her bother Oliver and loves his magic. They share a deep bond which actually enables Oliver to use magic he normally can’t use. She is a sweet and caring person and has a nose for what is going on around her. When she encounters problems she tries to resolve the diplomatically.  She wants to marry for love, but she is a princess so an arranged political marriage is pretty much inevitable.

Mǽrwynn Wyvill: A 21-year-old mage who has met many hardships. Her best friend was killed when she was 7 because Tedwin thought she was the mage instead of her. When she was 18 Tedwin caught her mother and killed her, quite brutally on the village square for all to see. She hid for a year but then decided people needed her potions and started living among people again. She is an intelligent, curious and resourceful person.  She usually gives people the benefits of doubt and she knows a great deal about magic.

Rainulf Grimault: A 37-year-old mage. He travelled all over the continent and has studied magic most of his live. He knows a lot of the shadier side of magic but his knowledge extends way beyond that. He is covered in black tattoos that actually have a magical person. He has been a family friend of the Wyvills and has a soft spot for Mǽrwynn who is like a sister to him.

Heliarde Thoral: A 18-year-old mage who was raised by her grandmother. A friend of Mǽrwynn and Rainulf who happily wants to join the adventure when the opportunity presents itself. She has had a protected childhood and wants to see what the world is like. She is playful, stubborn, enthusiastic, careless and a little arrogant. She sees herself as powerful and underestimates enemies. She is a mage after all, you know, and mages can be pretty powerful. Rainulf is reluctant to let her come with them but she manages the convince Mǽrwynn who talks Rainulf in letting her come with them.

Those are some awesome names. How did you find them?

Sieglinde wrote:I too forgot some people:

Philetus: elf mage. Elementalist. Very frail looking, your typical Glass Cannon. He clearly forgot to put points in constitution. Leader of the mages who swore fealty to Crazy Old King, mainly out of fear. He desperately tries to keep things normal and at first he opposes the whole revolution thing the heroes have going on, thinking it will just make things worse. He doesn't want the to see his kind slaughtered. Eventually, he has to realize that being meek and diplomatic won't help, and once he decides to fight, shit will go down. Probably going to die. My mages are just doomed, it seems. Might or might not have some Foe Yay going on with Raina, my lovely villain.

Miss No Name Yet, elf rogue: not sure if I will include her. She's a redhead dual weapon rogue. I already have a big cast, we'll see. Maybe in a smaller role. If included, hella lesbian.

Hagen, dwarf warrior, the eldest son of the Sapphire clan. Grew up with Idun, thinks of her as a little sister, although they are not blood-related. Slightly shady. Walks the fine line between heroic and evil, we'll see which way he goes. Looks like Tony Leung Chiu Wai but with a dwarf beard. Wields a spear (because his name is Hagen and I'm a shameless opera nerd), occasionally a bastard sword.

"...clearly forgot to put points in constitution." Haha. I am always a huge fan of those Jack Sparrow like characters, who walk the fine line between good or bad. When you have to try and guess what side they're currently on. Do you have any plans for Hagen? Like a moment where it looks like he's betrayed them all, only to discover it's a bigger part of some master plan?

Probably. I haven't decided yet what he will be. I already have two villains, but Goraidh will probably become the Eleventh Hour Ranger / have a Heel Face Turn when Raina and her pets summon up something really dangerous and suddenly it's "oh shit we gotta stop that thing". So Hagen is kind of my backup.

Call Me Nefret wrote:Those are some awesome names. How did you find them?

Thank you I searched for historical names in google (you need to be specific with the period). The names I use for this story (and country) are mostly Franko-Norse names, with the exception of Mǽrwynn which is Anglo-Saxon. (She inherited the name from her grandmother who came from another country.) The surnames are Anglo-Norman.

Elowen-Astrid wrote:
Abelard Avery: A 25-year-old assassin of noble birth. He has too many brothers to be of any means to his parents in conventional ways (One is the heir, another is in the army and the third is a clerk/priest) so they sent him of to be trained as an assassin at young age. He is quite charming and a bit of a flirt but becomes deadly serious when he has a job to complete. He befriended Oliver at formal events at court they both had to attend. Oliver actually trusts him, but he doesn’t know Oliver is a mage.

Emmeline Damours: Oliver’s 19-year-old sister. The only daughter of king Richer. She is especially fond of her bother Oliver and loves his magic. They share a deep bond which actually enables Oliver to use magic he normally can’t use. She is a sweet and caring person and has a nose for what is going on around her. When she encounters problems she tries to resolve the diplomatically.  She wants to marry for love, but she is a princess so an arranged political marriage is pretty much inevitable.

Mǽrwynn Wyvill: A 21-year-old mage who has met many hardships. Her best friend was killed when she was 7 because Tedwin thought she was the mage instead of her. When she was 18 Tedwin caught her mother and killed her, quite brutally on the village square for all to see. She hid for a year but then decided people needed her potions and started living among people again. She is an intelligent, curious and resourceful person.  She usually gives people the benefits of doubt and she knows a great deal about magic.

Rainulf Grimault: A 37-year-old mage. He travelled all over the continent and has studied magic most of his live. He knows a lot of the shadier side of magic but his knowledge extends way beyond that. He is covered in black tattoos that actually have a magical person. He has been a family friend of the Wyvills and has a soft spot for Mǽrwynn who is like a sister to him.

Heliarde Thoral: A 18-year-old mage who was raised by her grandmother. A friend of Mǽrwynn and Rainulf who happily wants to join the adventure when the opportunity presents itself. She has had a protected childhood and wants to see what the world is like. She is playful, stubborn, enthusiastic, careless and a little arrogant. She sees herself as powerful and underestimates enemies. She is a mage after all, you know, and mages can be pretty powerful. Rainulf is reluctant to let her come with them but she manages the convince Mǽrwynn who talks Rainulf in letting her come with them.

I agree with Call Me Nefret, those names are awesome. I might see if I can use your historical name googling method for my next book

Abelard sounds like an interesting character. Could there be some conflict between Abelard and Oliver if Oliver tells him he's a mage? Will Abelard be sent to kill Oliver? Or is that strictly Tedwin (the antagonist's) job? Will Tedwin use him in some way? I like that the assassin and Oliver are friends, it opens up a bunch of plot lines that could go on between them. They could be loyal friends, Abelard being a protector of sorts, or friends turned enemies, or Abelard could struggle with his serious work ethic when he realises he might (I'm making a lot of assumptions here) need to kill Oliver. This is if Oliver ever opens up to him and tells him he's a mage, or someone find out by accident. And does Oliver know that Abelard is an assassin? Either way, you could make an intriguing friendship between them (and it sounds as if you have).

I'm wondering if Abelard is a natural flirt or if he flirts with people as a coping mechanism to killing people. If not, what is his coping mechanism? Or does he not need one? For example, he feels he's contributing to the security of the country by doing his job (thus allaying all/most guilt for what he's doing).

I've already said that I like the relationship between Emmiline and Oliver and I like that she knows she'll probably make a political alliance instead of marrying for love, but she still hopes to marry for love. This (to me) gives her character depth. Is she hoping to fall in love with the person she will be betrothed to? Is she taking care not to fall in love with people, say, the flirtatious assassin? (He might not come into it at all, I just used him as an example).

Mǽrwynn (had to control + C this name XD ) - just read this now that Tedwin does make mistakes (I dunno, when you said he was a mage hunter, it sounded like he was this professional killer, almost like a Terminator, a machine that never gives up). Anyway, back to Mǽrwynn, I'm curious about how she feels about Tedwin, he killed her best friend and her mother. I imagine some resentment would be built towards him. It sounds as if she's not going to act on the resentment, more like she just wants to avoid him, but will she join forces to stop him if others suggest it? Or is she just scared for her life and generally peaceful, not wanting to confront Tedwin whatsoever. I imagine her best friend being murdered would have been traumatic as a child, then her mother dying by the same man, brutally and publicly, would be traumatic too. Depending on her personality, she could do a lot of things. Does she teach Oliver more about his magic? I like that she's braving being found again so the villagers can have some of her potions. It makes sense that she's giving the villagers potions, in light of the fact that she gives people the benefit of the doubt.

In regards to Rainulf, so far most of the mages have been good/no knowledge of the darker side of magic. I'm curious about how he reacts to Tedwin/general persecution of mages. I also like that he treats Mǽrwynn like a younger sister. How does he react when she starts giving the villagers potions again. I like that he's this knowledgeable older guy, does he teach Mǽrwynn everything she knows about potions? Does he teach Oliver perhaps? Why does he know about the shadier side of magic? Is it his thirst for knowledge? Does he find all sides of magic fascinating? I'm also fascinated by his black tattoos. What do they help him achieve? Why did he get them? Was it just out of curiousity? Do they help him control his magic?

I like that Heliarde is arrogant and underestimates enemies. I guess I see this trait as a stereotypical antagonist trait. I'm thinking of those monologuing antagonists. Eg. 'I will tell you my evil plans while I watch you die slowly. Muahahaha! Oh no! You've escaped! Blast! The hero knows my evil plan to take over the world and all of the specifics because I needed just one person to bask in my genius!'

Anyway, back to the point, I like that you've kind of flipped this stereotypical antagonist trait and made it into an ally trait. But then again, arrogance is a trait quite a few teenagers have. I guess she could give Rainulf a bit of a headache if she chose to, with all of her underestimation of enemies. She could also have a lot of character growth. Given how she's had a sheltered upbringing, I'm wondering if she understands the danger that she could put them all in.

Lol, this turned into an essay. Sorry about that, I didn't mean for it to be this long. I guess I changed how I give feedback and systematically went through each character and thought about them (and rambled a bit) instead of trying to make connections and summarise. Plus, I have more time on my hands than I did a couple of days ago. But overall, I think you've got well developed side characters. I hope this helps

Call Me Nefret wrote:Some more characters (some of which I should have included earlier):  

Lenora: This soft, golden haired beauty is the only living dowager queen and sister-in-law to Thorsten. Growing up she was obedient to the mother that groomed her to be queen. After holding the throne for 2 years and losing her husband and unborn child, she took to a convent. While the decision may have originally been made out of grief, Lenora finds true happiness working to help the less fortunate.

Bayard: Sydelle's father is a peaceful man that was totally blindsided by his daughter's kidnapping and his family's imprisonment. Even while in the dungeon he wants to believe that King Ulric will eventually come to his senses and free them.

Sutton: Sydelle's mother is just as peaceful as her husband, although with a bit more common sense. She had cautioned him on keeping their daughter safe before. But she's too kind to tell him "I told you so" even after their daughter is kidnapped.

Averet: Sydelle's 6 year old brother is quiet and shy. He doesn't particularly care for running around, but enjoys drawing. He has a lot of artistic talent for one as young as he is. He loves his older sister and doesn't understand what's going on.

Peter Newell: Peter is the son of a prominent lord. He's in his twenties, but looks years younger with an angelic face and the personality to match. He's artistic, quick to fall in love and slow to see when someone is using him. Artemisia uses him to get pregnant and tell the king the baby is his. When the ruse is uncovered, Peter is heartbroken. Artemisia then tries to kill Rosaline and is slated for execution. Peter begs the king to let her live long enough to have his child. Then he takes the baby girl ("the only girl I can trust anymore" as he tells Mirabel) back to his father's estate along with his newly hired valet Edgar.

Vellith: This older seer has the gift of far-sight. He can see things happening miles and miles away. He was originally betrothed to Britta, Mirabel's mother. When Britta shocks everyone by running away, he watches her from afar. After giving birth and abandoning Mirabel at an orphanage, Vellith takes to watching over the child. When they finally meet, he already feels like a father figure to the girl. He's wise and patient, but still heartbroken over the life he wished he'd had.

Ellion: This twenty-something telepath is Vellith's apprentice of sorts. He's gun-ho and eager to see the world. He becomes furious at any leader that would use a seer for their own benefits. He always volunteers for missions. He finds his mentor's borderline obsession with Mirabel just a bit creepy. (Also possible love interest for Mirabel)

Britta: While Britta was not a seer herself, she came from a prominent seer family.    When the son of a councilman (the council being the seer kingdom's government) proposed, her family "strongly encouraged" her to do it. Unbeknownst to the man that truly did love her, she began to feel trapped. Days before the wedding, she fled. She ended up near the kingdom of Erried and found a new husband. This new husband, however, was superstitious. When the baby was born with the violet eyes of a seer, he claimed the child was cursed and left. Britta, heartbroken and hating herself, she left the baby on the door of the nearest orphanage and fled to some other life.

Lenora sounds like an interesting character, we've spoken a bit about her. I like that she deals with her grief in a way that gives her meaning in life. Does she mind the fact that she's no longer queen and unable to obey her mother now? Is her mother a power hungry person? Or is she just more interested in mourning her lost child and husband? You mentioned that she might become an important character later on in the book. I'm interested in how this happens.

Sydelle's parents have an interesting dynamic. Her father seems to have no foresight, no understanding of the true situation and doesn't seem to listen to his wife. His wife seems to be very understanding of her husband and incredibly kind, not saying 'I told you so' even when their daughter has been kidnapped. I guess they wouldn't be able to do much about it now that they're in prison, so it would be a futile 'I told you so,' (but still, I would have said that in this situation, or at the very least assertively told him why I'm angry). I guess I'm surprised at her kindness, but this lends to the whole 'peaceful' person. Bayard seems a bit naive and Sutton seems to be the one who looks out for the family. I'm curious about what happens when one or both of them realise they won't get out and that Ulric won't let them out. How do they get out of the jail anyway? Do they escape or are they rescued or released? What happens to them when Mirabel 'abducts' their daughter? Does Bayard find out Mirabel has 'abducted' his daughter and hate Mirabel for it (because he believes the king will still come to his senses and Mirabel is interfering) or does he celebrate it? Does he even hear about it? What does Sutton think, if she even hears about it?

In regards to Averet, is he separated from his parents in the prison or are they in this big family cell with other families around them? I like that he is artistic and doesn't fully understand what's going on. Not many children would understand being in prison and why they're in prison at his age. If he's artistic, does he make what is referred to in Australia as 'bush art' where you gather up leaves, twigs, flowers and such and arrange them decoratively. If they have like an exercise yard or are just permanently locked in a darkened cell, might he do this with the grass and random leaves/twigs that blow in from the outside? Or does he just not do art and cling to his mother because he doesn't understand and is scared?

Poor Peter, my heart goes out to him already. I get the feeling that I'd like him if I read the story. I suppose I like the tragic ones. But wow, I didn't realise Artemisia tries to kill Rosaline. That's a huge twist, I just thought she was the conniving one who gets others to do the dirty work for her, rather than taking it into her own hands. I guess when you introduced her, you did say she'd do anything to get power. Anyway, I've gone off topic. It seems as if Peter is a bit naive, like Bayard, and easily used. But it looks as if he does have enough influence in the court to save his unborn daughter's life. So, it seems he naive but still a good soul.

Vellith sounds like he has a fascinating power. I've never heard of a power like this before. (I've heard of Farseekers from Isobelle Carmody's Obernewtyn, but I think they can only communicate with people over long distances, rather than seeing people over long distances). I can see how this farseeing might be creepy, but it sounds as if he's not using it with creepy intent. He's also a bit of a tragic one, so my heart is already going out to him as well. I like that he feels fatherly towards Mirabel and looks out for her. It sounds as if he might come and aid her if things get out of hand (which, from what I've read so far, they do). Does he tell Mirabel who her mother was? (Does she know who her parents were?)

Ellion (I love the name btw) sounds like a likeable character. I like characters who dislike seeing others being used. I like his character traits and I'm interested in the relationship between him and Vellith. Especially the slight creepiness of Vellith's obsession with Mirabel. Does he know about the history between Vellith and Britta? Does he know that Vellith thinks of Mirabel as a daughter? Does he question Vellith on his obsession? (I'm assuming that Vellith and Ellion are the ones who rescue Mirabel) I'm really interested in how Vellith and Ellion interact with each other especially when Mirabel is around. As for potential love interest for Mirabel, I can see why he'd be the potential love interest. He seems nice and likeable.

I take it Britta is more of a background information character rather than someone who shows up in the story. Or she might show up randomly when you get writer's block. I'm curious about what other life she fled to. She's already fled her life twice before, does she continue fleeing her past mistakes and feelings of being trapped forever, starting over every few years, or does she settle down somewhere and deal with her grief/shame etc? Does she find someone who makes her feel safe enough not to run away from? Does she have more children and, if so, are they seers? Or does she act like Lenora and do charity work to help her deal with her issues? She doesn't seem to have great taste in men (or at least her husband who left her doesn't seem like a catch...)

It seems I've written another essay... Sorry about this, I guess there are just so many characters to discuss. But I think you've got a cast of interesting and relateable characters

P.S. Would people prefer me to keep these brief and not comment on every single character, just the more important ones (whichever they are)? If so, maybe make a note about which characters you want me to talk about...

Poetic-Jessie wrote:Lol, this turned into an essay.   Sorry about that, I didn't mean for it to be this long. I guess I changed how I give feedback and systematically went through each character and thought about them (and rambled a bit) instead of trying to make connections and summarise. Plus, I have more time on my hands than I did a couple of days ago. But overall, I think you've got well developed side characters. I hope this helps  

Thank you so much for the feedback. It is really helpful. There is a lot I am still working on and while I have a good idea of what I want to do, a lot of things are still subject to change. Magic is going to be mentioned a few times in the text below. My magic system can be quite complicated, basically you have a few basic/primal types which are exclusive to one another. All mages can use spells and make potions if they wish and were taught in the arts. Spells just consume a lot more energy and mental recourses than the primal magic (effects are always temporal). To keep it short, Maerwynn has control over nature (trees and plants), Oliver and Rainulf have mind magic (illusions, inducing sleep, control over dreams etc.) and Heliarde basically has telekinesis.

Despite from being an assassin Abelard has a conscience. He doesn't kill for fun and he respects his victims but killing is his job and he is pretty good at it, so I think he has a pretty well developed coping mechanism and doesn't let him affect him personally. (think Zevran from Dragon Age, it is just a part of who he is) Also, the flirting is natural and I was thinking about some sort of romance between him and Emmeline (At first I wanted it to work for both of them, but how things are now I don't think it is realistic, we'll see how it ends).
He will find out Oliver is a mage eventually but he is not send by Tedwin to kill him. Tedwin is infuriated that Maerwynn (I write her like this when I don't want to copy/paste ) slipped through his fingers again and actually sends Abelard after her. Tedwin told Abelard Maerwynn killed Oliver and he is to kill the person who killed Oliver. Of course Abelard gladly accepts this job. At some point after this Abelard will find out Oliver is alive and a mage. (I think he joins the party after this encounter or helps them in some other way, he is also angry with Tedwin for lying to him)

Maerwynn hates and resents Tedwin for what he has done to her loved ones and he also scares the hell out of her. Her mother wasn't someone you could take down easily. And she is indeed mostly scared for her life and generally peaceful. She will take a stand and fight when it is required but other than that she avoids fights. She does teach Oliver more about his magic, mostly about potions and spells and about some of the other magical things in the world. She and her mother always helped people, she loves it and truly wants to continue helping them.

Rainulf hates Tedwin and is probably one of the people who can take him down. But he knows that if he kills Tedwin another Tedwin will stand up due to the nature of his powers (The Tedwin is right mages are dangerous kind of situation). They can be quite terrifying. He doesn’t like when Maerwynn leaves to help people but he trusts her and respects her wishes. And he starts teaching Oliver eventually since they use a similar form of magic. He didn’t teach Maerwynn about potions, her mother did, but he taught her a great deal of other things. He has a thirst for knowledge which may help explain part of his knowledge about the shadier side of magic.The tattoos are slightly related to it. They do give him greater control in a sense. They enable him to hunt down and kill demons and other scary creatures more effectively, they also enable him to enter the in-between world (This concept is a work in progress). He has been associated with the marked ones – demon hunters who secretly protect people from the bad stuff out there, which is where he got the tattoos. (These are the ideas I am playing with and they are not yet set in stone)

About Heliarde, she is created partly because I needed someone to provoke the others and add a little more livelihood to the party, and partly she already existed in this world. She gives Rainulf a headache quite often and he hopes Maerwynn can put some sense in her. Heliarde absolutely doesn’t understand the danger she could put them in. She doesn’t understand why everyone is so scared of Tedwin because she never experienced bad stuff first hand.

Since you wrote me an essay I wrote one as well. I wish I was as good as giving feedback as you. I still have a lot to learn

Elowen-Astrid wrote:
Rainulf hates Tedwin and is probably one of the people who can take him down. But he knows that if he kills Tedwin another Tedwin will stand up due to the nature of his powers (The Tedwin is right mages are dangerous kind of situation). They can be quite terrifying... He has a thirst for knowledge which may help explain part of his knowledge about the shadier side of magic.The tattoos are slightly related to it. They do give him greater control in a sense. They enable him to hunt down and kill demons and other scary creatures more effectively, they also enable him to enter the in-between world (This concept is a work in progress). He has been associated with the marked ones – demon hunters who secretly protect people from the bad stuff out there, which is where he got the tattoos. (These are the ideas I am playing with and they are not yet set in stone)

Your in-between world reminds me of the Dragon Age in between world (I honestly can't remember its name). You have a fascinating magic system from what I know about it. I think Rainulf has just become the most interesting of your side characters XD I also like that he doesn't want to kill Tedwin, because that will make the persecution of mages worse. I'm interested to know how they stop Tedwin.

It looks as if you've got quite a few characters who dislike Tedwin and are united in their anger towards him. I'm wondering if Heliarde will be demanding blood and Maerwynn/Rainulf have to talk her out of it.

Elowen-Astrid wrote:
Since you wrote me an essay I wrote one as well. I wish I was as good as giving feedback as you. I still have a lot to learn

Thanks I'm glad that my feedback is helpful. Honestly, I'm wasn't sure if what I was saying was helping people at all. I think I also have a lot to learn too

Poetic-Jessie wrote:Your in-between world reminds me of the Dragon Age in between world

It is called the fade and the Dalish call it the beyond. And it is sort of like it, but it is also different.

Poetic-Jessie wrote:I'm interested to know how they stop Tedwin

Me too, but I guess this will unfold itself when I get further into the story.

Poetic-Jessie wrote: I'm wondering if Heliarde will be demanding blood and Maerwynn/Rainulf have to talk her out of it.

I can definitely see this happening. Somehow I am inclined to believe she will attack Tedwin regardless of warnings and it will result in a near dead experience for her or the person who tries to get her out of trouble. With of course an extensive lecture about the dangers and consequences of her actions from Rainulf (or Maerwynn or even Oliver if Rainulf is not available). (I am also inclined to believe her actions will cause the dead of a loved one, but that won't be part of this story)

I find Rainulf very interesting and I want to write a story about him as another nano project, I think.

If we make a topic discussing magic systems I am happy to go in dept with my system. The human side of magic is pretty much finished now. I also have other races but their magic needs a bit more development.

You have a similar style of giving feedback as my boyfriend. He always gives me an endless interrogation with questions about anything story related. It helps me see my flaws and what I need to work on. It also gives me more insight about my characters. I started talking about them as if they are real persons.  He also gives a lot of suggestions. He is not a writer but an excellent idea generator XD

Sieglinde wrote:I too forgot some people:

Philetus: elf mage. Elementalist. Very frail looking, your typical Glass Cannon. He clearly forgot to put points in constitution. Leader of the mages who swore fealty to Crazy Old King, mainly out of fear. He desperately tries to keep things normal and at first he opposes the whole revolution thing the heroes have going on, thinking it will just make things worse. He doesn't want the to see his kind slaughtered. Eventually, he has to realize that being meek and diplomatic won't help, and once he decides to fight, shit will go down. Probably going to die. My mages are just doomed, it seems. Might or might not have some Foe Yay going on with Raina, my lovely villain.

Miss No Name Yet, elf rogue: not sure if I will include her. She's a redhead dual weapon rogue. I already have a big cast, we'll see. Maybe in a smaller role. If included, hella lesbian.

Hagen, dwarf warrior, the eldest son of the Sapphire clan. Grew up with Idun, thinks of her as a little sister, although they are not blood-related. Slightly shady. Walks the fine line between heroic and evil, we'll see which way he goes. Looks like Tony Leung Chiu Wai but with a dwarf beard. Wields a spear (because his name is Hagen and I'm a shameless opera nerd), occasionally a bastard sword.

First of all, Foe Yay XD I absolutely love it! *clears throat* back to the topic.

Philetus (love the name btw), being the leader of the mages, has an understandable fear that fighting the powers that be could make things worse for his people. Who is his personal handler btw? (Could it be Raina? Or is she off doing different villain-like things?) I imagine he's pretty stressed out about how his life and the life of others have changed so drastically since the Crazy Old King started listening to Goraidh. Philetus probably has a stressful job keeping the king from killing/imprisoning his people and possibly trying to convince mages to accept their new position and handlers. It sounds as if he starts off as a semi-antagonist due to his fear for his people and joins forces with your Idun as the book progresses and becomes this all-powerful and influential (being the leader of the mages) ally.

By the looks of it, you have four rogues already. Granted, they do all specialise in different weaponry, and have different personalities, but they are all dual weapon wielders. If you do include Miss No Name Yet, I like the fact that she's a lesbian. It vaguely reminds me of Leliana from Dragon Age (I think she was a rogue).

In regards to Hagen, I like characters who could go either way, walking that fine line between good and evil. I'm curious if he joins up with Idun's group of fighters or if he just stays underground while they're up on the surface. If he does join them, is it for the same reason Idun's up there (the dwarven rite of passage)? Or does he not join them and comes into the story because of his own schemes? I'm also interested in how Idun interacts with him. When/if he starts going down the evil path, does Idun use her 'mom-ness' and tries to get him back on track? Or is she just not around when/if that happens and therefore can't help him?

Overall, I think your characters are interesting and relateable. I hope this helps

Elowen-Astrid wrote:

If we make a topic discussing magic systems I am happy to go in dept with my system. The human side of magic is pretty much finished now. I also have other races but their magic needs a bit more development.

Sure, we can make a topic discussing magic systems. I should probably develop my own magic system too... I think magic systems come under world-building. So, I'll make a new topic there?

Elowen-Astrid wrote:
You have a similar style of giving feedback as my boyfriend. He always gives me an endless interrogation with questions about anything story related. It helps me see my flaws and what I need to work on. It also gives me more insight about my characters. I started talking about them as if they are real persons.  He also gives a lot of suggestions. He is not a writer but an excellent idea generator XD

Thanks for the reassurance, I guess I needed feedback on my feedback

@Poetic-Jessie

Sounds like a good plan and no problem

I think Philetus will have a semi-friendly handler (after all, they can't all be just "mwahahaha I'm evil) who has doubts. (Dammit, another character...)

Well, it's not like class will be stated for everyone, it's more a note to myself, but yeah, so many rogues. Although the Mentor is only technically a rogue since he's a dual-wielder.

I think Hagen won't come onto the surface - sooner or later, the plot will take our heroes back underground, because I want to really explore the dwarven realms. He's also older than my trio, so he has probably already had his own adventure.